


Sexual Healing

by MorningTRex26



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BDSM, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Coming Out, Doctor/Patient, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Female Friendship, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Kinky, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Mother-Son Relationship, Motherhood, Porn, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2020-12-16 19:53:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21041846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorningTRex26/pseuds/MorningTRex26
Summary: Piper Chapman is a young single mom in the middle of a custody fight while struggling with her bisexuality, business, and son. Alex Vause is a wealthy, sophisticated, well-educated doctor at NYU with her own sex therapy practice for queer women, despite her own deep romantic and sexual issues, as well as being in the midst of an early midlife crisis but too old for a quarter-life one. Will their blurred lines and romantic connection become what neither of them knew they needed? Can they finally find someone with whom they can share their every secret confession and deepest sexual desires? AU





	1. Chapter One

Sexual healing, baby, it's good for me  
Sexual healing is something that's good for me

You're my medicine, open up and let me in  
Darling, you're so great, I can't wait for you to operate  
You're my medicine, open up and let me in  
Darling, you're so great, I can't wait for you to operate

"You gonna be a big boy today, Geo?"

"Yeah, mommy," the blonde-haired brown-eyed toddler in a car seat said in a sweet tone. For the past six months, it had been just us. He had kept his father and me together for nearly two years longer than we should have been. I got my wisdom teeth out, I had just moved in with my boyfriend despite my friends telling me it was a bad idea and my charting app said I was safe but eight weeks later I was staring at two pink lines after missing two periods. When I saw that flickering heartbeat I knew I wanted to bring him into the world. As my belly swelled Larry stayed out for longer lengths of time. I tried to get him interested in feeling the baby kick but he had no interest in touching me as I became visibly pregnant. The only time he showed any interest in my pregnancy was when I told him it was a boy but that quickly waned when I told him he wouldn't carry his name in any form.

Here we were a couple of years later, firmly in the terrible twos and after six months Larry was demanding joint custody and I was countersuing for full custody based on him not having a stable job or home. In the meantime, the court had mandated he go with his father from Thursday night to Sunday mornings. I agreed as long as he picked him up from daycare and Polly dropped him off. Geo and I had a good routine going and I was finally feeling good about myself but of course, that's when he had to come back and claim he wanted to be a father after months of being gone. My lawyer said he had a weak case, even without the parental abandonment. Going to therapy had been her idea. She convinced me that if I could show I was putting in the work to be the stable parent than I had a better shot at full custody. I owned a business and had a lease on a one-bedroom plus den apartment in Park Slope. The days of it being enough were beginning to wane but he didn't seem to notice. I had done everything to get him into the best early childhood program in Brooklyn when he was six months old and was the only one staying up long nights researching kindergartens.

The squealing in the grey car seat in the back of my silver Prius brought me back to the present moment.

"You excited to see daddy?"

"A little," he said softly with an unconvincing tone. I could tell he was doing his thing again that he had unfortunately learned from me where he told people what they wanted to hear instead of what he really felt.

"Just be good for him. He loves you. And he's not a bad guy," I wasn't so sure the third part was true anymore. I used to be sure he was good. Unfocused and a momma's boy but sweet and kind. Except when we brought out the worst in each other. He just wasn't ready to be a man or a father. Not that I was ready to be a mother even as I felt the burning sensation of my son's head entering the world and heard the nurses telling me to push, that it was almost over. When he was born the nurse didn't hand him to me until I yelled at her. She looked at me and told me she wasn't aware I was keeping it. They figured I was some well off college girl who went too far at a party and chose to make some childless middle-aged couple's dreams come true and allow them to adopt her child before returning to her studies. One of the nurses even told me I was lucky I had a blue-eyed baby boy because I could get a lot of money for him as if I was going to sell my child to the highest bidder. Nobody cared that my son wasn't feeding but they all hovered around my roommate and inquired about her baby's feeds who was only a couple years older than me but she was married.

I looked down at my wrists and remembered my infant son pointing at the bruises and saying owie. He barely could say mama, dada, and baba but he knew owie. I convinced myself the bruises were my fault for not obeying my man, for pushing him too far, for hitting him first. I knew I was lying to my son. Larry didn't love us. We were something to possess and suing for his parental rights was nothing but an attempt to twist the knife just as he found out I'd moved on from him. But, for now, Larry had rights whether or not he deserved to. All I could hope for was that I had the better lawyer and ended up with a judge who would see right through him using daddy's money and standing in the legal community to take a child he had no real interest in from the only parent he knew. I unlatched him from his car seat and grabbed his tiny Paw Patrol backpack as he hopped out of the car and ran for the playground before I could get his cardigan on him, luckily autumn hadn't quite completely set in and I was the school's resident bad mom so it didn't matter that he was only in his red and white checkered button-down shirt and corduroys with his brown oxfords. I walked up to the school's assistant director, Dr. Taya Beckett. She had a Ph.D. in early childhood education and a BA in Child Psychology from NYU and a resume that included the most exclusive early childhood programs in Brooklyn.

"So you know the details of the custody arrangement?"

"Yes. Larry is not allowed on the school grounds. One of my teachers will walk him to his car. He is only allowed within two blocks of the school on Fridays. We've been through more contentious custody battles over children barely out of diapers than I want to admit. You want my advice?"

"You're gonna tell me again whether or not I wanna hear it."

"Go out, have a couple of drinks and get some."

"I'm done with men. The last thing I want is to have another man shower me with love until he puts a baby in me like Larry. They're all the same. They say one thing but the thought of fucking a mother turns them off, even it's the mother of their child. Once they start to see you as a mother it's all over. Your worth as a sexual being, as a desirable woman is about bearing children, preferably boys. Nope, it's gonna be just me and my boy for the foreseeable future. Maybe forever. He's all the love I need. At least his love is true."

"Who said you had to get a man?"

"I'm not gay. I like kissing girls and all, I really like it. I like the way women's bodies feel underneath my fingers but that doesn't make me gay."

"Right. Do you listen to yourself talk, like ever? You enjoy kissing and touching girls and are curious about doing more. It may not make you gay but it doesn't make you straight either. And you totally hated it when I touched your thigh three months ago and held you a little too long that time you broke down in my office. When you confessed to a bisexual woman that you thought you might be bi too and you needed a good therapist who could help you navigate your feelings and raising your son. And I told you about my former psych tutor from grad school's thriving new practice."

"She doesn't see patients for therapy, only for assessments but she has a new intern, Lauren, who needed clients. Is it wrong that I like the idea that after reading my assessment she was willing to assign me to her intern? It's some reassurance that I'm not as fucked up as I thought I was."

"You need to try pursuing a chick. You don't need a therapist to tell you the only way to know if you want to do more is to try. What do you have to lose?"

"Larry could find out and try to use it against me in court."

"We aren't living in the dark ages anymore. It's 2016. Go get yourself some pricey therapy insurance doesn't cover and then get yourself some hot lady lovin'."

"What do I even wear?"

"Something that'll be easy to get off but not too easy. Women love confidence and a challenge. You'll do fine. It's Friday night and you finally get a break. Forget you are somebody's mother for a night. Get some, let a stranger take you home."

"I've never. I'm not that kind of girl."

"Maybe you should be. And it's not like you can get pregnant from a one stand night with a woman. Nobody will ever know but you."

"What if she wants me to perform? I've never you know. I don't know how to do it, with a woman. I've wanted to. I've thought about it but I've never met anyone who made me want to actually do it."

"If you've pleasured yourself then you have all the experience you need."

"Okay, Taya."

Hey, it's Dr. Beckett."

"When you're giving me sex advice it's Taya. I don't care where we are."

"I have to get back to being a school administrator."

"And I have to go back to building a beauty empire. Put this on my son," I handed her the burgundy sweater.

"Good luck, Piper. Just be yourself. The girls are gonna literally eat you up if they know what's good for them. Don't worry. I got things handled. Let me worry about Geo and Larry. Right now, I have a kangaroo lion hybrid to wrangle because his ridiculous single mother couldn't be bothered to dress him properly for school this morning."

"Funny. I know, he's the hyperactive problem child and I'm the bad mom, I know our role in this school. Call me if there are any problems."

"Go to work and let me do what you pay me twenty-five hundred dollars a month to do. Quit prolonging the drop-off. He's going to be fine. When he's here he's my child."

I turned and headed back to my car to head into my office in Midtown Manhattan near the Garment District.


	2. Chapter Two

I walked into the offices of Popi an hour late with a coffee in hand. I had decided at the last minute to drop my car off at my apartment and take the subway into Manhattan so I could go out after my appointment. I was certain Polly would be pissed as I walked into her office. And I was ready for it. She always told me that if she could get her nine-month-old to daycare on time than I could drop off a self-sufficient almost three year old at school and make it into work by nine. Surprisingly, she wasn't even mildly pissed, which for her was saying a lot. I guess she knew today was different.

"You talk to the director?"

"Yeah. This is hard on Geo and seeing him is only going to make it harder. He wasn't excited to see his dad. He's a stranger who abandoned him when he was a baby. He left bruises on his mommy. He screamed at her and called her a bitch too many times. That's the man he knows. Not the sweet guy who made me feel so cared for until I got pregnant and we disagreed over keeping it. I was too far along for simple solutions. If I had found out a couple of weeks earlier maybe I would have made a different choice. But then he hugs me when he catches me crying and I know I made the right choice. I need that boy more than I should."

"You still have that appointment at three?"

"Yup."

"I can't believe you're in therapy. You aren't crazy or depressed."

"I need some perspective."

"Isn't that my job?"

"Nope. Your job is to help me grow this company. I need a professional."

"You kissed a few girls in college. It was Smith, the majority of the student body experimented, not me of course, I know I love everything about boys and never needed to do research. Larry was a dog. It doesn't mean you need to try the other side."

"It has nothing to do with Larry."

"How about your whole hot for teacher issue?"

"Well, I'm not gonna say that's not a factor. I need to stop stifling a part of myself. I can't be the mother my son deserves if I'm not completely sure of who I am. I'm trying to make sure he's well adjusted. That starts with me."

"I hope it helps. I just want you to be happy. But I have to admit the thought of you being involved like that with a woman is pretty weird."

"The thought of me being involved sexually with a woman is weird and scary to me. So I have you beat there."

"But you've wanted to for as long as I've known you. You've always been bicurious but you've always been afraid to have people see you as some stereotypical athletic tomboy. Don't sacrifice your happiness due to your insatiable need to prove people wrong."

"I just wish it were easy. I can't seem to get a crush on a woman I can be involved with in the real world. First Taya and now this doctor who owns the practice. I don't even know what she looks like but the way she makes me smile when we are emailing is like nothing I've ever felt before. Maybe I'm just that lonely."

"There's other fish in the sea than the two women you have crushes on. How do you live in Park Slope and not notice any lesbians except the two you can't have?"

"Because I really like them. I don't just want sex, Pol, I want something deeper."

"Don't get stuck on something that will never be. Move on with your life and find a woman you can have right now."

"I'll think about it."


	3. Chapter Three

I felt overwhelmed when I arrived at the small office in an old brick building in Greenwich Village. As much as I acted like I was cool with the idea of going to Artemis Psychotherapy Associates I wasn't sure about all this. I wasn't sure I could discuss my sexual desires and dysfunctions in the context of a professional relationship but Taya had told me she trusted Alex more than any other queer psychiatrist in the New York City area. I wasn't sure Dr. Alex Vause actually existed. I could never get her on the phone. All I got were emails at odd hours but I was a female business owner too so I understood that life. I wanted to meet this woman and see if this practice was, in fact, the right fit for my needs.

I liked Lauren and Dr. Vause's business partner, Nicky Nichols, they both had a calming nature you'd expect from a therapist and listened with interest and no judgment. Sure, Nicky seemed a bit brash and free-spirited but she was intelligent and intuitive. However, I was still curious about Dr. Alex Vause. There was something about her. She put me at ease and made me feel comfortable. She got me to open up without trying. Being in a space she had so painstakingly created, one that could have easily been extremely intimidating only piqued my curiosity about this intelligent mystery woman more.

Alex was well educated. She had a BA in psychology with highest honors from Harvard, an MD/Ph.D. from UCSF with a certificate from a different San Francisco college in sex therapy and an MBA in nonprofit management from NYU. She was a member of the top professional organizations in her field. This woman was so accomplished that it was intimidating. From what Nicky had said Alex was strict and pragmatic. She always tried to avoid emotional entanglements at every available opportunity. She took her business very seriously. Nicky told me I was lucky Alex had been too busy to give me her unique personal treatment like she normally gave new clients, as she had called it with a sarcastic tone. Bedside manner wasn't her thing. Touchy-feely psychotherapy was her idea of torture. She spent as little time with actual patients as possible. She listened for fifteen minutes, handed you some scribbles and was out of the room before you could blink. As a psychiatrist, her goal was to get down to the diagnosis and treat the problem, which usually meant recommending a combination of medication and talking to one of her therapists. Sitting across from you in a living room like office was the reason she had Nicky and her junior psychotherapists. Alex was a clinician and that's all she cared to be.

However, something about that didn't sound like the encouraging, open-hearted woman I had been exchanging late-night emails with after my son was in bed for the past few weeks. Her emails had become a welcome part of my evening routine. We'd stay up for a couple of hours per night emailing back and forth, I knew I closely edited every word and I could sense she did too. The closer I got to my appointment the more our messages took on a tone that wasn't entirely professional.

When my session with Lauren was done the receptionist, Keely, told me Dr. Vause had just left for the day but she liked to walk to a bistro two blocks away and have a couple of glasses of wine and a leisurely dinner alone at the end of a long week. They had her favorite, coq au vin, on Fridays. If I wanted to find her than I could probably find her there. Was my curiosity surrounding this enigmatic woman really that obvious? At first, I thought I was imagining it but as I let my feet take over I started to wonder if the reason she had diverted from her normal new patient protocol was to avoid any suggestion of a professional breach of conduct. Could Dr. Alex Vause be into me and our conversations too?

As I scanned the mostly empty room, I noticed a few scattered diners enjoying the happy hour specials and a strikingly beautiful, tall, slightly muscular dark-haired woman wearing black secretary glasses in the corner sipping on a glass of red wine with a stack of folders in front of her reading through collated papers of some sort. I stood in the doorway longer than I should have because I was so captivated by the way she wrapped her long fingers around the glass and I was starting to list in my head all the things I wanted those fingers to do. She seemed to have an expert touch, to know just how much pressure to put on whatever was underneath her hand. I watched her rub the crease between her eyes as she concentrated hard on whatever she was reading. The lines on her face betrayed her efforts to look eternally young but there was something so beautiful about every wrinkle. Then I saw her full red lips and I was done for. I knew the woman in the corner had to be her. I was certain she was the all business, emotionally withdrawn, cold woman who needed no one but herself to survive known as Dr. Alex Vause. I accepted that this woman would be my undoing, that was if I could get up the nerve to approach someone like her. I slid up to the bar and ordered a margarita but before I could take a sip I heard a low, husky female voice.

"It's a little cold out for a margarita, don't you think?"

I whipped my head around and any response I was about to make was stopped in its tracks as I saw her emerald green eyes hidden behind thick secretary glasses and her beautiful lips curled into a proud smirk that I wanted nothing more than to kiss off her smug face. I saw her motion to the bartender to add my drink to her tab. She didn't even ask to buy me a drink, I mean I would have let her but it was the principle of the thing. Who did she think she was?

"Excuse me?"

"Did I stutter? Let me guess you are an NYU first-year grad student with daddy's credit card because you're still a college student, after all? Daddy's gonna be mad when he sees what dinner and drinks costs in this place. And he's really gonna be pissed when he finds out what happens when a pretty young thing such as yourself walks right into my tangled web."

"I make my own money I'll have you know. I'm a twenty-eight-year-old independent woman. I have a growing business I built on my own with my best friend and an apartment in Park Slope in a beautiful old brownstone."

"Oh, so you're part of the bridge and tunnel crowd. What is Manhattan too grungy for you? Not preppy enough?"

"Who are you," I asked as if I didn't already have a good idea of exactly who this woman who was teasing me was and I wasn't certain that she could tease me all night long if she wanted to. Of course, I hoped she'd want to do more than that.

"My name's Alex."

"Shit. I'm Piper."

"You say that like I didn't know that the second I walked over here. I read people in under fifteen minutes for a living and I'm damn good at it."

"I think I'd better go. I have a bunch of contracts to read over before Monday morning."

"It's barely Friday night. Come have dinner with me."

If her tone didn't make the punctuation mark on her sentence quite clear then the way she bent over with a smirk on her face to reach for a cocktail napkin, bending down lower and further than necessary to show me a full view of her cleavage underneath her white blouse with two buttons undone sure did. I knew if I followed her it would be my fingers would be undoing the rest later. Getting the shirt off would be easy but I wasn't sure I could take a bra off from the other direction. Reminding myself that those ample breasts were currently held in by a bra made me feel a wetness pool between my legs. What color was it? Was there lace? No of course not, she didn't seem like the lace type. It was probably simple, nude and purely designed for utility.

Alex Vause seemed like the sort of powerful woman for whom everything had a place and a purpose if it was going to exist in her orbit. Things had a job, things did their job, things went back to their tidy place until they were needed. I could appreciate that way of moving through the world, even if it wasn't in my Bohemian nature. I struggled to distract my mind from its jumble of thoughts as I flicked her imaginary bra off and started wondering about what color her nipples were and just how large her breasts were when unconstrained by tight garments.

Still, I didn't want to make things easy for her. Everything about this was wrong but I knew the feeling was mutual as I saw her eyes looking at the hem of my dark purple dress and nude stockings intently. I watched as she took in the Louboutin brownish pink heels, I couldn't afford them but had bought anyway, that I had changed into when I dropped my car off at the apartment just in case I managed to cross paths with the mysterious Dr. Vause. Since she wasn't a stranger, at least I would still maintain some of my virtuous principles when I inevitably let her take me home tonight. But when her hand reached to rub my wrist I doubted we'd make it that long. The warm feeling of a tender massage to the one part of my body she knew had been so brutalized made every part of me open to her touch. I needed her more than I needed air at that moment.

"I'm flattered but I know there's no scenario in which following you ends with a meal. I'm not interested in you like that," I managed to squeak out with fake confidence but Alex's commanding demeanor signaled that nobody was fooled.

"Are you so sure of that? I saw you staring when I had my fingers wrapped around my glass, what were you imagining them wrapped around, Piper?"

I turned red from embarrassment and looked down, "I'm, I didn't mean. I'm sorry. And even if I were I couldn't. You're my doctor and I'm not sure I'm ready to be involved with a woman in that way. I'm curious and okay maybe I have a crush but that's all this is."

"What's wrong? Your mother ingrained in your head that it's rude to stare? That a lady never imagines a part of another person she hasn't officially met inside her sexually? A lady never asks for sex, she reluctantly agrees for the good of the species and its continued survival? Pregnancy is something that happens to her when she doesn't want it and when she wants it she can't achieve it? And she definitely doesn't try to bore a hole in her shirt when she's standing in front of her with her cleavage showing. If you have any questions I might be able to answer about women, whether general or very specific, just ask. I'm kinda the expert on women, lesbian sex and what's going on underneath this shirt. There's not a damn thing wrong with you, Pipes. While a therapist better versed in navigating the coming out process wouldn't hurt, I don't think you even need that. Everything you need is inside you already. Why do you think I assigned you to the least experienced therapist of my three choices? I wouldn't make a dime off you. As a physician, you aren't worth my time. But looking at you now you are more than worthy of anything you want from me. You just need a strong, beautiful woman to show you the ropes. You have a healthy sex drive, you just need to relax and allow yourself to tap into it."

"You have anyone in mind?"

"The question is do you," she asked as she stripped off her jacket and I saw the tattoos on her arm and her toned biceps and shoulders and when she noticed I was staring she asked with her lips against my ear, "You like the roses? I have another rose tattoo somewhere on my body."

"Where?"

"Come have dinner, we'll talk and maybe you can convince me to show you."

"I don't know what I'm doing."

Alex rolled her eyes, "God, kid, tell me you've touched yourself and you know where your clit is."

"Of course. I know what feels good. But that doesn't mean I have any clue what to do with another woman."

"Yeah, you do. You're doing what you always do just with an extra set of boobs. A date is a date. Sex is sex. Do what you like or think you might like. I'll coach you through it. I've been an independent adult in every sense of the word since I was fourteen."

"Is this something you do? Seduce your prospective clients?"

"I'm not going to lie and say this is atypical behavior but it is the first time I've done it with the sort of irrefutable evidence of unethical behavior that you likely have on that iPhone of yours. Are you planning on being the one to report me?"

"Well, if for some reason I do then you can tell the New York Medical Board I was the first one to do this," I reached my hand out and touched her cheek as I pulled her in for a deep open mouth kiss as I worked my tongue into her mouth. Well, perhaps work was the wrong verb for what my tongue did to her welcoming mouth as our tongues curled around each other and her hand pressed against my ear. It was probably seconds but it felt like hours until Alex pulled away from my lips and I whimpered softly at the loss of contact. I saw her laugh for the first time and smile at me reassuringly.

"You are really fucking lucky the only thing in the world that I like more than sex is the coq au vin at this place and I can only get that once a week. You, on the other hand, are a different story."

"Really, Alex? I am lucky that your tongue isn't inside another wet crevice right now? Cause I don't call that luck," I whispered in her ear as I took her hand and let her lead me to the back corner of the restaurant.

"I could draw a lot of conclusions from that, babe. Just know you aren't the only one. Maybe I should have done your intake myself so I could have figured out how you learned how to kiss a girl like that."

"As if I would have told you that in a therapeutic capacity. Hell, as if I even know where that came from. I'm not a very sexual person."

"Could have fooled me, Pipes. I'm going back to my table and my bottle of wine that I plan on drinking with or without you. You get one chance with me. You take it or that kiss will be the extent of our relationship, I like talking to you and that mouth has some serious untapped potential but girls are easily replaced. Girls who want to sleep with me are a dime a dozen, if that. I need a fearless girl who knows what she wants and does whatever necessary to chase her heart's desire."

"I used to be fearless."

"Then adolescence happened and you discovered you had strange feelings for girls?"

"Yeah and for once when I did do something daring I ended up pregnant and alone at twenty-four."

"There are a lot of things I can do to you but getting you pregnant isn't one. Do you know how many girls would kill to have dinner with me? But Alex Vause doesn't do dinner dates. I like to dine alone. But I really like talking to you so I'm willing to try if you are. Take a minute to decide, beautiful."

I blushed like a schoolgirl until I noticed how she swayed her ass as she walked away. How her every move was designed to tempt me to rip her clothes off. Any resistance or remaining doubt melted away as I took in her perfect derriere that was just as ample as her bosom. She had given me rare access to that perfect body and not just what was underneath her clothes but also to somewhere I could sense nobody had ever gained entrance and I wasn't about to squander the opportunity. So what did I do? I followed close behind and slid into the seat across from her with every ounce of cool confidence I could muster.


	4. Chapter Four

Fifteen minutes later we were munching on coq au vin and had just finished the bottle of wine Alex had started. Without asking the waiter just brought her another like he did this on a regular basis. She was a genius academic and medical doctor.

As she told me, "I taught myself to read when I was around two, skipped a few grades and graduated high school just before I turned fourteen, went to community college and worked as a tutor which showed me how much I thought then that I didn't like kids but it was the only work I could get at that age, even with a diploma. While I was at college, a career counselor told me that Harvard kept a few slots open for low income, high performing Massachusetts high school graduates from disadvantaged backgrounds that they fully funded, including room and board, without loans or work study for up to four years. With her help, I won a spot and graduated Harvard by the time my former classmates were graduating high school. I started a master's degree but dropped out to go to med school in San Francisco. Finished that at twenty five, with an MD and a Phd. Matched at Columbia for my residency. I wanted Harvard or UMass but Columbia pushed hard for me so that's where I went. By twenty nine I was a fully licensed psychiatrist. I worked for a year at the hospital and still do but I wanted to create something to help women change the language they have around sex so I went to business school and while I was at NYU I got involved with doing guest lectures in their human sexuality undergrad classes and before I knew it I was a professor at the med school and had switched from Columbia to NYU. Finished my MBA in just under three years, which since I was on the faculty was next to free, and two years ago opened up my dream practice with my best friend. I'm still trying to find the right niche and not having a well defined specialization is really holding me back in my career. I've been told so many times if I could just find my niche I could be something. I love helping struggling mothers at the hospital but I also love helping my clients take control of their sexuality."

She told me about being the daughter of a single mom and a rock star she'd never met and never really wanted to. When she was a teenager, she had considered finding him but her life was taking her on a path she didn't want to risk deviating from. She had a sense he'd bring nothing but trouble into her life. This conclusion had been confirmed with a Google search about five years ago. He was a washed up heroin addict in Atlantic City trying to bring back the glory days of pre-AIDS epidemic drug fueled seventies rock and roll. She'd seen a few videos online of him performing and she wasn't proud to be his daughter.

On the other hand, her mother, whose name was the Roman version of the Greek goddess her practice was named for, was a saint in her eyes. Diane had been a few months from twenty two when she was born and Alex was an old soul so they had always been more friends than mother and child unless she was in trouble or being an idiot then she made it quite clear who was who in their relationship.

"So why human sexuality? Why psychiatry? You seem like you had your pick of medical specialties."

"I enjoy sex and find the complexity of the human mind so fascinating. The mind is so powerful. I don't like listening to people's problems and I'm not an emotional person but I know it's where we need to start as women if we are going to get to the root of female sexual dysfunction. Men's problems tend to reside in the physical, women's problems are so much deeper. And I get paid handsomely for it. You don't want to know how much money I get to write the word Paxil and prescribe the latest miracle anxiety drug."

"Tell me you aren't one of those doctors who gets kickbacks from the drug companies."

"I am. I'm a graduate of a top med school with two Ivy League degrees. I'm on the faculty of an Ivy League med school, the drug companies foam at the mouth to get me to prescribe their meds. And once I get tenure, I'll become even more attractive. I already got even more interest when I started a practice that doesn't take any insurance and I don't have a sliding scale, Nicky and my other therapists do though. I charge what I charge and either you can afford me or you can't and you find somebody with a less desirable CV."

"How is that different from being part of an International drug cartel?"

"Did I say it was? I get paid to legally deal drugs. And I have a two story three bedroom apartment and an amazing 360 view of the city on the edge of Gramercy Park, a membership at an exclusive Midtown gym and an Escalade to show for it. I get to travel the world. You know what I come from. Do you blame me for deciding to find a way to make the system to work for me instead of against me?"

"No, I guess not. So that's how you can afford to spend without caring about the price?"

"Yup. And when I find a girl worthy of the little free time my busy life affords me than I shower her with all the finest things. Not that I've ever found one before tonight."

"Hopefully you shower your girl with more than just things, Alex," I said in the strongest tone I possibly could yet I still thought it came out as a question.

"Not even done with dinner and already offering to be my girl, this is gonna be easier than I thought. Not that I'd mind if you were. I can already sense that there's something different about you, Pipes. You are about to get a version of the Alex Vause treatment all the girls dream about but never are quite special enough to get. That is if you want it."

"Let's finish this wine and get out of here. And maybe I'll forget that you didn't give me a straight answer to my question."

"That was a question? Sounded like a strong statement to me. I like that in a woman."

"I've never seen anything more beautiful than you. I can't believe you are real."

"I could say the same thing about you. You want to come over to my apartment tonight? We don't have to do anything you aren't ready for. And you can tell me to stop at any time and I will."

"Are you sure?"

"Are you?"

"Yes," I answered as I sucked my lower lip into my teeth and bit down a little too hard from my nervousness at the implication of what I was agreeing to.

I don't know how we made it out onto the street but we somehow managed to hit the early October New York City evening air, the happy hour crowd was beginning to pile into trendy restaurants to finish their evening and avoid the crisp air a little longer. I felt her gently interlock her fingers with mine as we walked nearly a mile and a half to her apartment with all my senses buzzing from sharing a quiet moment with the woman with whom I was already falling hopelessly in love. We walked as if the journey home was more enjoyable and important than what we were going to do when we got back to her apartment. I was certain that to an outside observer we looked more like a good looking, financially secure New York City lesbian couple who had been together for years heading back to their apartment after their weekly Friday dinner out instead of one who had just had their first official meeting and date all in the span of a couple hours.


	5. Chapter Five

All illusion of sweet romance was lost the moment we stepped into the lobby of her apartment building and she gave me one last look to confirm that this was in fact something I wanted to do. I smiled back as she hit the button on the elevator. Before I could think I felt my head hit against the wall of the elevator and her hand press against my underwear and cup my sex.

"Baby," I gasped loudly.

"Too much?"

"You just took me by surprise. You don't know how ready I am."

"My hand is on your underwear, I most certainly do," she countered as she started rubbing hard between my legs.

"Please."

"Please what?"

"Take them off. I want you to touch me. I want you to be the first woman to touch me there. I don't want to wait another moment."

"Gladly," she said with a seductive tone as her hand moved upwards and found the band of my panties and pulled them down and put them in her purse, "You might get these back or you might not. Haven't decided yet."

My lips found hers as her fingers found my swollen clit and I let out a scream from the contact.

"I haven't even begun to get started, babe."

"That feels so good."

"I am so gonna fucking wreck your perfect nubile pussy."

"I seriously doubt that you can do anything worse than what's already been done to it. If pushing out a nearly seven pound infant didn't ruin it forever than I seriously doubt anything you are capable of doing to that area can."

"You have no clue what I'm capable of. And it's called a vulva, babe."

"Your fingers on my clit feel so good. Nobody's ever shown it much attention. It likes being touched and guys will do it long enough to convince me to open my legs but once they get inside me they loose interest."

"So I'm hearing you have a fantasy of having your clit touched while you're being penetrated. Is that what you are trying to tell me, Pipes?"

"Yes. I have a few fantasies involving my clit."

"Lucky for you I enjoy listening to women's sexual fantasies. It's one of the few therapeutic aspects of my job I enjoy. Just use the right terms. I promise you I have heard and done it all."

"Well then it sounds like I chose better when it came to exploring the other side of my sexuality."

"How old were you when you lost your virginity to a guy?"

"Sixteen, after the homecoming dance."

"How cliché."

"In all the right and wrong ways. But tonight is already way better. I'm so wet for you."

Alex just smirked and flicked the clasp on my bra without looking like she'd done that move a million times and knowing her she probably had. I told myself it was all practice for what she was about to do to me as she massaged my breast and my clit at the same time.

"Bed. Now."

"So demanding."

"Alex Pearl Vause!"

"Where did you learn my middle name?"

"Uh, you hung your degrees where everyone can see them. I didn't stop reading at the word Harvard like everybody else. Now fucking fuck me already you fucking fuck!"

Get mad, it only makes me want to fuck you harder and your wildness needs to be tamed."

"Then I'm about to be really fucking pissed off."

"We can't have that, now, princess. Your wish is my command. Just remember I'm a queen."

"You aren't a queen, you are the Queen of the Goddesses."

"And you are about to be handsomely rewarded for that astute observation."

"I love what you consider dirty talk."

"Maybe later I'll teach you the term sapiosexual. Cause it fits you."

"Show me everything that perfect tongue of yours can do."

"Everything?"

"Did I stutter?"

Alex shook her head and grabbed me a little too hard but I knew she was caught up in the moment of passion so I let it slide. Once we got down the hall she instantly pushed me back onto her king size four poster bed and made me watch as she stripped off her pants, knee highs and underwear. As hot as she looked in nothing but stockings and underwear, I didn't yet have the confidence to ask her to leave them on. As she slowly kissed and licked every square inch of my body, teasing my breasts and mound where my need was greatest. What was she waiting for? Permission? Was this what all the girls I had almost had sex with been waiting for? The guys I had been with had never really cared much about what I wanted or when as long as I wanted it at the beginning. I got used to letting them do what they wanted because I was too afraid to lose them if I turned them down. I learned quick that if I didn't do it they'd find a hotter, better endowed more feminine version of me who would. But Alex? Waiting for permission seemed so opposite of everything Alex Vause was about but she had also told me I wasn't like other girls. She spent most of our walk to her house telling me how beautiful and special I was. I decided that on the off chance she was waiting for explicit permission I would give it. I knew that anything less than actual sex with the woman grinding on top of me wouldn't cut it.

"Alex, I need you. I'm ready. Please make love to me. I've never wanted anything more than I want you right now. And I've never been more sure."

I felt her stop kissing my stomach and move her body flush against mine so our pubic bones were touching. She didn't grind into me as she had been for the last hour when we found ourselves in a similar position but rested on top of me and brushed her fingers through my hair. She stared deeply into my eyes with so much love and unbridled passion, "You let me know if something doesn't feel good or you want more of something, okay, beautiful? What do you like?"

I just looked at her and smiled sad I tried to come up with a way to tell this sexually sophisticated woman on top of me how little I knew about sex both generally and specifically without losing her, I was about to shake my head to say I don't know when she kissed my forehead, "Nobody's ever asked you that before have they? I'll do what most girls like and you tell me what you want more of. It's been awhile since I've been with someone so new to sleeping with women."

"I'm-"

"I know you aren't about to apologize. You don't need to. Believe me, knowing how I am, babe, I'm sure you will have plenty of good excuses to use those words but this isn't one."

"So," I wanted to define what this was and why but she interrupted me again.

"Now is also not the time for talking unless it's to say more or no. Got it, babe?"

I shook my head yes.

"Well aren't you a good listener? Ridiculous, scrawny little thing but you're sexy, smart and funny so I can work with the rest. Now just lie back and relax. I won't hurt you and don't hold back if I do."

Over the next two hours she slowly made love to me. I came once then again moments later and just when I thought she was done she teased one more out of me. I had no idea what she was doing, only that it felt good. As she moved back up my body and I saw a look of both heat and playfulness in her eyes and I knew if I could make her feel half as good as she had I wanted to. And when I tasted myself on her lips even after she wiped her mouth on her arm I really wanted to. I was curious how she tasted. Would she taste like me? Would she taste as sweet as her kisses did?

"Horrible wasn't it," she teased.

Two could play at that game, so I responded, "The worst," as I pulled her in for a kiss, "Can I do you?"

"You don't have to ask."

"Will you coach me through it?"

She chuckled again and gave me that look that meant I was being ridiculous, "Yeah. You don't have to reciprocate, though, babe."

"I want to. I want to taste what you taste like."

"Fuck, that's the hottest thing I've ever heard."

"I somehow doubt that."

"Maybe it has something to do with the beautiful, sexy lips those words came from."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Vause."

"Considering you are naked in my bed asking to eat me out, it did something."

"You being so sexy and sweet is what got us here. Now are you going to tell me how to flip positions or are you going to get on your back and open your legs on your own?"

"Get a little practice with the basics first, babe. I'll teach you anything you want to do, just one step at a time. We have as long as you want."

After a few outbursts of awkward laughter as I tried to do what she told me to I finally hit the spot and she was breathing heavy and screaming in ecstasy. I reached for her breast and massaged it as she had mine in the throes of her orgasm. I could feel her whole body stiffen as she came hard all over my mouth. I wanted to lap up every drop as her walls spasmed around my tongue but I didn't want to overwhelm her. It was easy enough to know when a guy was done but how would I know when her orgasm was complete? Before I could break contact with her center to check in with her, she tangled her hands in my hair.

"Fuck, babe! You are so unbelievable! You make me feel so good. So good. Babe, baa-bee. Fuck. Fuck."

She came again screaming in an incomprehensible language as I put pressure on her clit with my tongue and sucked it into my mouth and flicked it without being told to. I didn't even know how I knew to do that; I just knew that was what she needed in that moment. I stayed there with my mouth around her tender nub until she let go of my hair and then I went to wipe my mouth but she pulled me into her lips before I could.

"Nobody's ever made me do that. And I've been with more women than I'll ever let you know. Laying here in your arms I'm not proud of myself, of the things I've done that you'll inevitably discover. I've never met anybody like you."

"And I've never met anybody like you, Alex," I rested my head on her shoulder and was met by a quick kiss to the top of my head but nothing more. She reached for the novel on her nightstand, some thick book with a girl who looked like something out of the South at the turn of the century. I just laid there and watched this goddess of a woman next to me in complete disbelief. How had I gotten a woman as hot, intelligent and established at a fairly young age as Dr. Alex Vause?


	6. Chapter Six

As I watched those skilled fingers flipping pages, I began to worry that I was overstaying my welcome. I knew if I got much more comfortable there would be no leaving her bed tonight and I didn't know what the rules or expectations of this night were. Truthfully, I wasn't sure what any of her rules or expectations for me were. We were clearly falling in love with each other and had amazing sexual chemistry. I loved the way her eyes glimmered when she laughed and how her face brightened when she smiled. I could listen to her voice every day for the rest of my life and still not hear it enough. But I wasn't anything to her and she wasn't anything but me. We had dinner, we had sex for dessert. What happened now?

I'd never had an encounter like that but I had a general idea about how it typically went. There had never been an expectation that this was anything more than dinner that had turned into sex and maybe had potential, eventually. She hadn't given me any indication that tonight would be the night where it became more than a casual fling.

"I could go if you want some time to yourself."

She peered up from her book, raised her eyebrow and shot me a commanding icy yet somehow fiery glare that made me cower. I was certain I had pissed her off. I had failed to draw the proper inferences from her social cues and now anything we could have been would be over. I had ruined her buzz and that seemed like a mortal sin in Dr. Alex Vause's world. Of course, I still had yet to learn that I was the only exception to her every rule no matter how seemingly inexcusable. But as she set her book down I was about to take the first step toward learning this crucial lesson, "Just because I pay attention to something that isn't your hot body doesn't mean I'm not still enjoying your presence. I like how we fit together."

"I do too. So you want me here?"

"Fuck yeah. I didn't take you home to fuck you. Well, I did but that barely cracks my top five list of reasons why you're here. I took you home because I like you and I want us to get to know each other. I like having you around. I just need a minute to not think about everything swirling around my brain right now," Alex replied as she pushed her glasses onto her forehead, an action I would soon have a deep understanding of its meaning but not that night.

"Glad to know I'm not the only one who can't handle her thoughts right now. I don't regret what we did one bit and I want to fall asleep in your arms but I'm not anywhere near tired yet. I don't want more sex tonight but I want to stay up talking for hours. Is that weird?"

"Totally. You should really see a shrink about that. You're so psychosexually unhealthy, Ms. Chapman. Especially with your added issue of erotic transference."

"Funny, Dr. Vause. I thought you were never my doctor so no transference. And besides you pursued me and I liked it. I'm going to get some water and maybe a snack."

"Help yourself. I have wine, rum, and bourbon. And go for carbs."

"Did I neglect to mention I've been a cross country runner since I was eleven? I could have been an Olympian, I was nationally ranked and everything, but I chose unfulfilling sex over my passion for the sport. I know what to do after some serious cardio."

"With those thighs and that core you didn't have to. Are you sure you've ever been pregnant? Cause I've seen what abs look like even years after baby and they don't look like that. At least not without a very skilled plastic surgeon, chef, and trainer."

"You want to see a picture of me with a baby bump? I'm sure I have one somewhere. This is all-natural. Believe me, if I had gotten work done than I wouldn't have such tiny tits."

"I don't want to see the evidence that you've ever loved anyone enough to carry their child."

"I wouldn't say I carried and chose to raise my son because I loved someone else enough. Other than the baby in my belly that is. I wanted my baby from the first time I saw him. I loved Larry but not to that degree. I had the baby and expected that depth of love to come but it never did. And it never will. I want to feel that, to know how it feels to deliver a planned for child created from the deepest sort of love but I don't know if I ever will," I told her with a strong twinge of sadness in my voice and a tear in my eye.

"Go on now. I have a few robes in my closet just don't you dare touch the black silk one."

"What if I do?"

"You don't wanna find out what happens if you touch that or my leather jacket. Only I touch those."

"What if I want to take them off you?"

"You ask nicely and I will strip for you. Maybe. If you give me a good reason."

"How about that thing I did to your nipple with my tongue? Can't do that if I can't get to your breast."

"You do make an excellent point, Pipes. I'm just gonna finish this chapter and then I'll come find you and if I don't, well let's just say I know where you live. So don't even think about leaving. You are mine now and you don't get to go anywhere without my permission."

"Is it possible for something to be both the creepiest and the sexiest thing I've ever heard all at once?"

"It's all a matter of interpretation. And you are one fucked up human being in a way that's beyond even the best psychiatric treatment available to me, fucking gorgeous and a little sex fiend but still fucking fucked up."

"Well I'm in a strange lesbian's Manhattan apartment and my phone is probably dead and I doubt there are any cabs in this part of the City at this hour so it's pretty creepy," I responded as I disappeared out of the room and fumbled for the light switches in the now dark, unfamiliar apartment.


	7. Chapter Seven

I went straight to the open kitchen; everything was crisp white and silver and meant for utility with grey hardwood floors throughout the apartment. She had a very understated modern yet classic style. She clearly liked clean lines but at the same time there was a homey lived in quality to the spaces in which bits of clutter seeped in. I raided her fridge and liquor cabinet and found some pineapple juice, coconut water, organic mint and rum that would make an amazing sweet yet refreshing drink. I found a rectangular Pyrex container with what looked like homemade chicken piccata with penne. She must have a chef. How could a woman who put in long hours as a doctor make food that appeared to rival anything to be found in even the best Manhattan Italian restaurants? She did say I could have anything and I was kind of curious about her cooking so I popped the dish into the microwave and found some fresh shredded parmesan and grape tomatoes for a garnish. The microwave dinged and I carried it out into the living room with its wall of floor to ceiling windows and took in the twinkling lights of the Manhattan skyline at night. I sunk into her simple, tiny grey fabric couch with black and red pillows that was comfier than it looked as I ate. When I was done, I noticed shelves of books and Blu-Rays of old movies but what really caught my eye was the antique record player on a long white table with black canvas totes underneath and a stack of records beside it. It read like a history of twentieth century music but leaned heavily towards classic rock and jazz standards.

"Hey, beautiful. Impressed," I suddenly heard a husky voice ask.

"Yeah. I thought I was the only person in New York who still listened to records in the digital age. It doesn't sound the same. Music isn't meant to be portable. It's fine for working out and all but other than that I don't sit around listening to music on my iPhone. Even if you rip a record onto your iTunes something still gets lost," I turned around and took in the sight of Alex in a loosely tied black silk robe that barely did it's one job of covering her golden pussy and substantial cleavage. My mind instantly flashed back to looking up at her body as I rested between her legs and the sound of her moaning as my tongue did things to her dripping wet pussy that I didn't even know it could do. I tried to hide just how much she was taking my breath away in nothing but a piece of somewhat strategically placed fabric and moisturizer that I could tell was too shiny and creamy for her skin.

"There's still a few of us. I have the truly precious ones in my office. Where I keep my favorite collection," she said in a sexy, domineering tone as her fingers wrapped around my chin and rubbed my jaw. I wanted to beg her to kiss me and take me again even though I was more sore than I'd been after giving birth but I wanted to know what was so intimate she kept it in her office even more.

"What's that?"

"Come and see."

"I don't know if I should."

"Don't worry about should. We did something that yes a lot of people are going to say was wrong and I'll admit I used my position as a doctor to get close to you and keep you hooked on talking to me when really I had no desire to treat you as a client but the things I feel for you feel so right. I'm not your doctor and I never will be. We're two women, I'm a little over a decade older, we are headed for hell. When's the last time Piper Elizabeth Chapman did something because she wanted to? You say you want to be loved but living a quiet, safe life and coloring inside the lines will never give you the intense passion and deep commitment you desire."

"And you can?"

"I can try. And I want to. Stay the night. Let me show you who Alex is and what my interests are. I'll make you breakfast."

"You cook," I asked in a shocked tone as the source of my Italian leftovers was confirmed as being from the figure of perfection across from me.

"Yeah. It relaxes me. I enjoy it, the only problem is I have nobody to do it for but me. My friends would all rather drink all my booze than appreciate my cooking."

But still, I had to be sure that what I had just tasted came from those skilled hands, "Did you make the pasta in your fridge?"

"Yup."

"Well, then, Al, you may have found somebody who more than appreciates your cooking. I'll take you up on breakfast and I'm guessing I won't be sleeping on the couch?"

"Not saying it'll never happen during the course of whatever we might share together, just not tonight. Trust me, babe."

"What could a woman as beautiful, talented, smart, wealthy and dare I say experienced as you want from a girl like me? I've dated a lot of people out of my league that after a while I just started dating guys that I knew I was too good for. They were hot and sweet but unfocused and not nearly as driven as me. But at least they didn't leave me the second they found someone prettier or who made a better wife. Someone more typically feminine and traditional who is fine with a nice, quiet suburban life and giving up her career to nurture his children's development."

Alex came over and held my face in her hands then slowly smoothed her thumbs along my cheekbones as she gently wiped away my tears. I had never been touched so tenderly by a woman before or anyone really as I was in that moment.

"I'm not that type. I'll admit you aren't the sort of girl I normally go for, especially since I hit my mid-thirties. Fresh meat was fun and all when I was young and had the time and patience. And I'm known to only go after gingers. If anybody understands how much a woman can value her career its me. I would never ask you to give that up. I know I want you but I know it's going to take some time for you to accept that and even longer for you to accept that you want me. That maybe life is taking you on an adventure you never imagined with the goal of getting you to exactly where you've always wanted to be. I'm in love with you, Piper. I have been since before I knew what you look like. Luckily, you are the prettiest girl I've ever seen and you always will be. You have been fed a lot of lies your whole life. You are like a bird with a broken wing and I just want to hold you and nurse you back to health but keep you forever."

"In a gilded cage?"

"Never. I want us to have a partnership. I'm here for every step along the way. Are you?"

"Yes."


	8. Chapter Eight

She moved her hands off my face and took my fingers in hers and led me back upstairs to the third bedroom down the hall, a tiny bedroom with more shelves full of books, a desk stacked with papers with a silver computer monitor and a laptop with an NYU barcode on its white plastic top beside the desktop computer, a large filing cabinet and a safe in the tiny closet. She led me over to a worn hutch and we sat on the floor on an expensive Persian rug on two black pillows. I watched as she pulled out a box full of World War II and Korean War pin-up girls and burlesque stars from the first half of the twentieth century.

"So, I'm guessing you aren't one of those anti-porn lesbians," I noted with a questioning tone as I tried to hide just how turned on these busty, curvaceous women in full makeup with curled hair, fishnet stockings and lingerie were making me until she pulled out a picture of a woman who bore a strong resemblance to her, "who is that?"

"She's gorgeous, isn't she? Bettie Page. Discovering her changed my life. I wanted to be her. She's my idol and my style inspiration. She seemed so empowered. And the more I became like her the more I wanted to help other people do the same thing. Then I learned about Maslow and now I help other people realize they missed a crucial step on the path to self-actualization. I loved chemistry and learning how the human body worked plus I saw how women in the trailer park worked and suffered as they had more mouths than they could feed and I didn't want any part of that life. I wanted to be wealthy, so medicine seemed like a natural choice. Genuine desire to become a doctor came later. Even though sometimes I don't make it apparent, I love helping people and seeing my clients get better."

"Did this Bettie Page woman make you realize you were gay?"

"I never really thought I was anything else. I was reading novels at five. I had a pretty good idea of what gay was and how that identity was expressed at an extremely early age. A little red-headed girl named Mary on the playground when I was around three was what made me realize I was gay. What do you think of her," Alex asked with a sly smile.

"I think you already know."

"Don't be bashful. Sex isn't just something you do. It's not only okay to talk about but necessary. Communication is the most important part of owning your sexuality and having a healthy sexual relationship with another person."

"These women are extremely hot. They make my core and center clench. They make me feel so wet. I don't want to be them but I sure would like to fuck one of them. I want to lick and finger their pussies. They bring out this sexually aggressive side I didn't know I had. Well, I had an inkling when we were getting ready to have sex in your room earlier. There was a moment where you were standing there in just your underwear and stockings and I felt this warmth deep in my core that I'd never felt before. I was so turned on. I think I'm into lingerie. Especially knee-highs for some unexplainable reason. Like I wanted to ask you to fuck me wearing just those but I was too shy and scared."

"You don't have to explain or analyze your healthy quirks, just acknowledge them and see if it's something the person you are having sex with can accommodate. And lucky for you, I love wearing lingerie and I'll fuck you anyway you ask. I'll wear or do or not anything you can imagine. I want to be your fantasy. My favorite is corsets but these sexy, long legs can rock some knee highs and thousand dollar hooker heels. Red? Leopard? Top luxury designers? You got it."

I reached out to run my hand along her rib cage, "That's some image. Al, would I have to dress up and act out your fantasies too?"

"I would hope you'd want to. But you never have to do anything you don't want to. I know our relationship has one hell of a power imbalance on multiple levels but never forget I'm not in the driver's seat here, you are. Just do me a favor and in public act, like I'm in control, I have a reputation that as bad as it is, I would like to uphold. I can see myself going shopping for a sexy dress and heels in another woman's size for once and taking you out on the town and then ripping the dress I spent so much time and money on to shreds the second we get into my apartment."

I knew she told me not to but I was so turned on between the alcohol, porn and discussing our sexual fantasies about each other but I couldn't resist stripping her robe off. I figured I'd deal with whatever consequence my actions led to after I was looking at a freshly fucked Alex Vause, naked and radiant yet exhausted and raw. I'd be more like her and just do, realize my heart's desire, set my sights on it and win it by any means necessary. I was sitting on the floor in her office looking at her arousal swollen breasts and hard nipples begging to be sucked surrounded by porn in the middle of the night so, obviously, it had worked for her. I climbed into her lap and kissed her as I pulled her robe off her shoulders.

"What do you think you're doing," Alex commanded with eyes full of fire and a physical expression that was looking to kill. But I had suddenly developed guts I never knew I was capable of and became completely unstoppable.

I rubbed my center against hers, grinding hard into her to increase the friction and feed my need to feel her body against mine, "I'm getting you out of this robe and then I'm going to have sex with you. I need you. I've never been one to become consumed by sexual fantasies but looking at those pictures and then talking about dressing up for each other was making me crazy."

"It has been a long time since I let a chick top me. I swore over a decade ago never again but I like this. A lot. I'll let you do this on one condition."

"Which is?"

"Don't get a girl going and not be able to finish. This was your idea so I expect you to know enough to figure it out on your own. Don't set fires you can't handle, Pipes. And if it's something you want to do in the future you had better do it right the first time, because if your performance is less than mind-blowing your first time dominating me will be your last."

"I just want to touch you. I need you. I need to know how it feels to fuck a sexy woman. I've been fucked so many times but it was amazing when I could ride a guy's cock on top of him."

"You better be ready for this. And your enjoyment of that position will be noted. Anything boys can do I can do better. Whether it's a promise or a threat depends on what's between your legs and how your pheromones work."

"I am," I answered as I kissed her mouth and took her breast in my hand. As I slowly rubbed towards her nipple, I noticed the contrast of her soft breast and her hard nipple. I had felt breasts before but never allowed myself to be fully present for the experience. Even earlier when I had been eating her out I was so concentrated on doing the right things with my tongue that I wasn't fully aware of what my hands were doing. Now that I was giving her massive tits my full attention, I was able to fully appreciate them, both for their size and responsiveness to stimulation. At this moment all my senses were spoken to through her body and its responses. Her moans grew louder as I squeezed her nipples and rubbed my ass against her until I felt her hand sneak between us and her knuckles rubbing against my clit. It felt so amazing but I knew it was Alex offering me guidance and letting me know what she needed, despite her earlier warning otherwise.

I moved her hand and replaced it with my own. I tried to replicate what she had been doing and I must not have done a terrible job at it because I felt her hips pivot and her legs open wider. I pushed my pelvis into hers as hard as I could, momentarily forgetting in the heat of the moment that I couldn't penetrate her that way. Alex was gasping for air and trying to get friction but my center was bearing down too hard on hers for her to overtake me. I rubbed my wet folds along her thigh just to remind her that her body currently belonged to me and her pleasure was secondary to my own. As I worked on the sticky pool that I was leaving on her leg my fingers traced every inch of her folds, purposely avoiding her swollen clit. As my opening clenched from an orgasm and I rubbed my pussy harder along her leg and began pushing harder against her clit as she bit her lip hard from the rough stimulation on her tender nerves. I grabbed at her tits, leaving behind scratches just above her areola, then clasped my mouth around her other nipple until I tasted blood and her hand snaked around my body and three fingers penetrated me from behind as her palm rubbed my ass and the stimulation on my other hole felt so good. I knew this position and our current power dynamic didn't lend itself to being anally penetrated but I made a mental note to ask for it later. I had never allowed anyone to touch the rim of that hole let alone penetrate it but I would give it to Alex to do as she wished without a second thought. My walls clenched around her fingers as much from her skilled thrusts as my fantasy of being on my knees with a thick dildo deep inside pussy and two fingers in my ass, both holes stretched to the max as her other hand pressed hard on my clit. With one perfectly placed thrust in a spongy spot, we had both discovered the existence of a few hours earlier I drenched her leg from a waterfall of my cum as I kissed her deeply with a rough, unbridled passion I never knew I was capable of. My orgasmic needs taken care of, I turned my attention back to Alex's glistening folds. There were no words to describe the wetness between her thighs as I slid my ass back onto her lap and wrapped my legs tightly around her hips. She reached over and handed me a bottle of what I assumed was lube based purely on our current situation. I didn't know there were brands other than the drug store basics and this lotion-like liquid she squirted on my palm and up fingers before tossing the bottle aside with one hand as she massaged it into my skin with the other was nothing like the watery substance that did little to soothe the rawness penetration led to that I was used to.

I slid two fingers inside her without thinking to ask if penetration was okay with her. It felt like it was what she needed. And I assumed that was the reason she had so lovingly and painstakingly lubricated my hand. It didn't take long before she was too open for even the two fingers I was gently thrusting inside her so I meekly added the tip of a third and was met by her walls contracting around my hand pulling me in deeper until I hit a spot that made her whole body stiffen and clench around me. I began thrusting harder and deeper as she threw up her head and moaned. I planted kisses along her neck and nibbled at her collarbone, leaving more of a mark than I had intended. I hoped she would let me off easy since I was so young, eager and inexperienced. I watched as this amazing woman came undone from my fist thrusting deep inside her as she screamed and her hips bucked wildly. I was fixated on her tits bobbing and her core tightening and moving like a belly dancer as I buried as much of my hand inside her as I could. I swelled with every emotion I knew and some that were entirely new to me as I watched her orgasm rip through her body until I felt a stream of liquid run down my arm and I started thrusting even harder and faster as she screamed and her nails dug into my skin. Her breaths became shallower with each long thrust. I searched for that same spot inside her that she had found on me and hiss like an alley cat in heat confirmed the moment I finally found it and felt a gush that was like a broken fire hydrant.

After a while, even her sounds went quiet but her body was still stiff and her walls were clenching around my fist deep inside her. I knew I was causing her pain but she didn't tell me to stop so I just kept going. Every time I tried to slide out her walls clenched around my hand and pulled me back in then she would come again as tears streamed down her face. I worried I was causing her pain but she was so tight and I didn't know how to work her down from her high. Guys were easy. They thrust forcefully inside me and ground their bodies roughly against mine for a while while they grunted from exertion with their sexual pleasure and desire to conquer the female body and control a woman's sexuality and fertility, they came and then they got flaccid and pulled out. Hopefully without leaving any form of evidence behind. They managed the aftermath of their climax on their own but I was quickly realizing women weren't so easy and I had chosen to start my journey with an especially difficult, multi-orgasmic one with a never-ending flow of cum and seemingly an even worse ability to say stop during a sexual encounter than I had.

I could get her there but I couldn't bring her back down to earth so I tried to remember what she had done to me hours earlier when my body was spent but my center was still willing for more and copied her earlier motions. I rubbed her clit with my thumb and held her tight with my other arm as I pulled back and forth in slow, even strokes, pushing against the pull of her body and avoiding that spot that would inevitably build her back up and I was certain would overstimulate her. I wanted her to allow me to do this again so getting it right was crucial. She whimpered when I finally was all the way out of her, so I rested my cum-drenched hand on her still heaving chest and nuzzled into her pillowy bosom as I told her how beautiful she was and softly kissed the spot where the swell of her breast met her ribcage.

She took my hand and put it in my mouth, "Don't waste the spoils from all your hard work. You earned every drop of that. Now I know you must at least have some idea how to suck your lover off. There isn't a big difference between a dick and fingers, except one won't end up with the age-old debate of spit or swallow."

"What would you know about that?"

"I was a horny, slutty teenager once who took sex any way that she could get it. I made them go down on me first because that was always the deal and still is. Now I'm a horny grown lesbian and, lately, I've been feeling very particular about who I share this hot body with."

"How particular and for how long are we talking, Al? And explain why you went down on me first tonight."

"Like one human being out of all the billions of lifeforms in the galaxy for the last six weeks. I never thought I'd want to settle down with another human being and want to share a meal let alone my space with another woman without her begging me to. Without my sexual fulfillment being threatened."

"That sounds like one very lucky woman."

Alex looked down at me and I reluctantly tore my cheek from her soft yet sweaty breast and looked up at her as she gently ran a finger through one of my golden curls until my face flushed like a schoolgirl, "Yeah, she is," Alex responded with a tone that was at once syrupy sweet and smoking hot as she lifted my head with one smooth motion along my jaw and kissed me, "Oh, and in response to your other question, because I wanted to. Because dragging my tongue through your folds and giving you the most pleasurable experience known to womankind is all I've been able to think about for a month and a half. I wanted you to feel pleasure and I know for you sex has always been an exchange that you got the raw end of every time. And then I may have clicked on your Instagram and that led to a Google rabbit hole and reading articles all night about this up and coming natural beauty company that celebrates all women. You are a very impressive, passionate woman, Piper Chapman. And that made me want to show you true pleasure. But at the same time, I couldn't handle you rejecting me so I set up this elaborate ruse and used my position as a doctor to gain your trust, hoping you would want a different sort of relationship with me, something less professional. About three weeks ago I started to get signals that you wanted that too so I set my plan in motion and I was a pussy and instead of being direct and asking you to dinner I promised my secretary one hell of Christmas bonus to do it for me. I'd understand if you can't forgive the stalking or using my position to get you into my arms but know it started out being about the sex but it became a deep desire to connect with you on a level I didn't know I was capable of."

"Do I look like I'm going anywhere? I should be completely pissed but you've told me enough tonight that has made me understand why you did what you did. You aren't comfortable with vulnerability, yours or anyone else's, despite being this famous, highly sought after sex therapist who commands five hundred dollars for fifteen minutes of her time because her credentials and expertise are that great. Yeah, I can work Google too, I don't know how I missed finding your headshot but I did."

"Would you care for Dr. Vause's expert analysis?"

"What's it gonna cost me?"

"Kiss me," she commanded as I went for her lips and then she shook her head and I planted a kiss at the spot where her cleavage started, its salty warmth was so inviting that I ended up pleasuring her tits with my mouth as I roughly massaged them, trying in vain to get even one of them into my hand without spilling out. I knew from her breathing that even though she was sore and spent, she was close to cumming again so I became more tender with my motions. She tangled her fingers in my hair and held me right where she wanted me as I shifted my position on her lap than slipped my leg between hers and began to gently rub her swollen, raw center. When she finally let me go I looked at the ultimate result of my efforts. Her nipples were dark crimson saucers and her pussy was a mix of scarlet and plum tones with her swollen outer lips still wet and visible.

"Look at you all proud of yourself, Ms. I gave a woman four orgasms with minimal assistance. Babe, believe me, I'm especially challenging and I know it. I'm a pro at making women cum, the reverse is rarely true. But you, Ms. Cuddles, are special. Thirty-seven was a hard year. The first half of thirty-eight wasn't much better than this beautiful gift fell into my lap, well now quite literally. But back to the last couple of years, I learned to guard my heart and that sex and friendship were completely different things that I would never find in one person, from a single relationship. Then I momentarily let my guard down and Silvia happened. I knew I didn't love her but she loved me and it felt nice to be wanted like that after feeling so used for nearly a decade. Ultimately, she wanted to ruin me and use me in an even worse way. I hated myself for making the same mistake again. I knew I wanted something real. I was tired of the lies and being hurt. Then I started talking to you and you were so smart and introspective. You made me think and I could go to these deep places with you. I remember being in an appointment with my therapist, yeah I have one and I think if your therapist says they don't it's the biggest red flag of all, and telling her I think I'm developing feelings for this girl and I think she likes me too but I'm scared to end up being nothing to her. You brought out this nurturing, protective side of me. I'm in love with you. Deeper than I've ever been. Even if I could or wanted to run, I'm too far gone. I'm completely smitten with you. We fit together so seamlessly. I'm not exactly comfortable right now and I know if we went to bed right now we'd be in a more comfortable version of this position in fifteen seconds but I don't ever want to let you out of my arms or not feel your head over my heart."

"Eventually one of us will need to pee and this looks like an expensive rug."

"Yeah, one that thanks to you will probably have a stain."

"I didn't cum on the rug. That's purely your fault, Vause."

"How so?"

"Well, coming in here to look at porn was your idea and you knew I'd be into it when you dragged me in here."

"Yeah, I didn't expect you'd pounce on me and end up fucking my brains out."

"I surprised myself. I've never been so turned on. I've never been aggressive or thought of myself as being a very sexual person. I enjoy sex but I would rather cuddle and talk for hours. I don't need sex but I do need cuddles."

"I'm the other way around but it's so different with you. So, I'll take responsibility for underestimating you and we'll get up and take a shower, you need to brush your teeth cause I know you haven't since you went down on me and stale pussy is not a taste you want on your mouth in the morning, then we can spoon all night or cuddle however your little heart desires."

"I've always wanted to wake up spooning a lover but it only lasts a couple of hours before an arm falls asleep or someone gets uncomfortable."

"We can try. I'm not going to say that won't happen but I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. It's all I've wanted every night for weeks as I've chatted with you all cozy in bed with my tablet and a mug of tea."

I kissed her and then slowly stood up and helped pull her up and as she stood before me, completely exposed I knew I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life and doubted I ever would, "You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. I mean the ladies in your naughty pictures are good looking and all but none of them have a better body than you. I love your breasts, your hips, your ass," I teased as I smoothed my hands along her curves and grabbed as much of her round ass as I could but was greeted with glutes clenching and a hand pushing me aside, "What about something without a sexual component?"

I pulled her glasses off and kissed her eyelids, "What do you think?"

"I need to hear it."

"I love every bit of you, Alex Pearl Vause. Even the creases and laugh lines."

"You shouldn't say that to someone who can have you committed real quick, you crazy sexy little woman. I don't even love those. My breasts aren't as perky as they used to be, I've got that pad of fat around the tummy middle-aged women get and no matter what you do won't go away."

"I don't have anything to compare it to and I think the body you have is ridiculously hot. And I don't think I need to tell you how I feel about your tits."

"No, no I don't. Tell me."

"If I tell you I'll want to do that thing again and I don't think either of our bodies can handle it. But I am really into them. I can't believe they are not only real but all-natural, they are right?"

"Yeah, babe. I've had some botox and work done on my face, a little lipo in key places but even as they've started to show their age I've never wanted to mess with my tits. As long as they still attract the girls like moths to a flame, I want to leave them alone."

"I'm not complaining. And you better be planning on getting some Citronella candles to deal with any potential lingering bug infestation."

"Oh, after what you just did to me you own all of me. Most girls see my naked tits and get overwhelmed and change their minds so I got out of the habit of letting them see them, despite how much they need to be pleasured. I learned to take care of their needs myself and focus on my body count."

"I want to take care of your every need, whether sexual or otherwise. Seeing you raw and vulnerable only makes me want you more. I want to be with a woman in touch with her sensuality and softness but who is still strong and powerful. Maybe I am crazy in love but I don't care. I'd rather be crazy over you than any other alternative."

"You will never succeed in convincing a psychiatrist of your sanity once they've made up their mind that you are crazy. Oh, and as for the analysis, you were avoiding the point of no return on so many levels. You had recently come to terms with both your bisexuality and desire to pursue a relationship with a woman but didn't know how to take the next step. So, you did what intelligent people in a crisis do and found a therapist. But you developed a crush on said therapist, which is extremely common, especially for women when they are first coming out. It's always a therapist or a teacher of some sort, she's also always around a decade older, that they imprint on when they are first coming out, I'd be more ridiculously wealthy than I already am if I ever figure that one out. Normally, those feelings aren't mutual but in our case they are. You fell in love with my words and seeing my face would mean doing something so reckless and scary or having your first broken heart at the hands of a woman. You couldn't see a way that making your feelings real could end in anything other than tragedy and pain, so you created a buffer that allowed you to focus on your needs and ignore your desires and curiosity. Being the beautiful sapiosexual you are, you were understandably afraid that you would be unable to handle my perfect words not measuring up to my physical appearance. So you focused on the intellectual and avoided the physical until you saw my fingers around that wine glass and felt a surge of desire. But you didn't have the knowledge or confidence to do anything about it until I stuck my tits in your face and you couldn't avoid your fears about all the lines you would have to cross to be with me and how much it would change your life. This thing we are doing is going to wreck your life but it'll come back together in the most beautiful way and I promise I will be here to hold you, wipe away your tears and share the good times. Let's shower and get to bed, where we can cuddle somewhere more comfortable for my old back."

"You want a massage? I'm good at giving massages and with tailoring lotion to one's unique needs."

"I'd love one but my back and shoulders better be the only things you rub."

"I would never violate you, after everything you've done to get me to trust you and how much you've opened up to me, even though it goes against everything you are. I respect and value you so much. I just want to make you feel good and make sure you don't feel any pain."

"What if I ask for it?"

"Well, that's a different story for a different day because I want to have a nice, long life with you and I think one more round might kill us."

"Yeah, tonight was intense and it's been around a decade since I could say I've had an epic night. Why don't you go get the shower started and I will make us a nightcap and come join you."

"Can I borrow some underwear?"

"Uhm, our cum has already mixed by now so you don't need to ask at this point. Just take whatever you want. Well, unless it's my pussy before the sun is up and I'm fully caffeinated."

"Deal, sweetheart," and with that, I released my grip on her love handles and we went our separate directions in the apartment before she appeared in the huge all-white bathroom with two cocktails, I took a sip and tasted triple sec and citrus.

"Sidecar. You like it?"

"Yeah. I don't know much about alcohol, I wasted most of my twenties on a guy who can't handle his liquor so I learned not to drink in front of him. He drinks but he shouldn't. Before Geo came along I used to sneak into the bathroom and drink white wine on the bathroom floor while he was asleep. I did it more times than I want to admit before I knew he was in there. And now every issue he has I wonder if it is because I drank regularly for the first two months of his existence."

"Well, I guess that's just more I get to teach you. And don't blame yourself. You were young and doing what you had to do to survive your life. And if he had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome I'd be able to tell in a minute. And a respected NYU psychiatrist with knowledge of early pediatric psychology says he doesn't. I'm kind of glad I get to sculpt you from clay, that way I get to enhance your perfection."

"And I'm glad I get to be the one to build you back up and help build you into the woman I want to be and enhance your perfection," Alex softly pressed her lips to mine to hide the tears I felt against my cheek, I chose to just run my fingers through her hair, guide her to the shower then gently clean and soothe the woman who had given me so much without asking for anything in return. Then I just as gently led her to the bed where she quickly pulled my back in close to her front and nestled her legs against mine as we fell asleep.


End file.
